She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
