you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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