i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
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