based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
