I just pynch a tree in the face
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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