Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
