ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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