you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
