I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
A+ Viking dick
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