Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I think my fart just growled at me.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
