I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
