I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
