I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
