If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
