I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
