Yo dont text me then not text me
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
