so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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