i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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