Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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