I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
