I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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