Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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