I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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