While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm just crazy horny about you
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
