My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
