just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
