i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
