I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
