Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(425): View more from Washington

my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.

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(602): View more from Arizona

Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.

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(865): View more from Tennessee

I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.

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(330): View more from Ohio

I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter

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(248): View more from Michigan

we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies

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(931): View more from Tennessee

i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn

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(919): View more from North Carolina

I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level

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(919): View more from North Carolina

How are you and the lady friend?

(336): View more from North Carolina

Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.

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