yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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