Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
