if i can run in heels then i can drive
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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