she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
