One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
You are a genius and a whore.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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