JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
