I met the friendliest cop last night
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
