Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Everclear isn't food dammit
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
