Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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