I want to make a zoo with you.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
