Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
