Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
