it was like his penis was on wheels.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she pinky promised me she was 18
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
