I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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