it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
