East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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