don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
