6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
