brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
