he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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