i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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