the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
